A new year's resolution worth keeping

New year’s resolutions - who actually sticks to them anyway? I’ve said for years that there is no reason to make one if I don’t plan to keep it. Thus, I haven’t made any resolutions for some time.

Readers, this year is different.

So many people I love and respect have told me that I have “too much on my plate.” “You’ll find a way to get it all done,” I keep telling myself. “Just finish these three (or 10) more items on the to-do list and you can rest.” The trouble is, the list keeps getting longer, and my rest times shorter and fewer.

That doesn’t serve me well, and it certainly doesn’t do justice to anyone else when I let others down or allow my stress to impact my employees, colleagues and loved ones.

I want you all to know that I hear you.

So, this is the year that I will begin to choose my projects more wisely and not cause unnecessary stress for myself or others.

Have you ever walked away from a situation knowing that what you said in that moment of stress, anger or disappointment came out all wrong? That seems to happen more than I’d like lately.

When I have a problem, I like to “talk it out.” I truly appreciate the few people in my life who are willing to brainstorm with me to get to the root of the issue and find a solution. When I get excited, these people know that my emotions are not directed at them, but rather at the situation.

Where I need to improve is by recognizing when to say no to things I don’t have the time or energy to pursue, and when to pause a tough conversation until I can “think it out” on my own when a commitment goes wrong.

I’m a much better communicator in writing than I am verbally or otherwise. I’d much rather put my thoughts on paper. That’s why journalism suits me so well.

Why? Well, I think it’s because writing doesn’t have to be consumed instantly or in real time. When I write something down, I have time to reflect on what I’ve said (well, written). I can edit and reword a letter, email or text as many times as I need to before I actually send it to the other person. Sometimes I craft an entire letter or email with the sole purpose of tossing or deleting it to rid myself of negative thoughts.

In a conversation, I have to focus on not only crafting my own words carefully in that moment but also truly hearing the other person’s words, all while reading their body language and other non-verbal cues. It’s even worse on the phone, when I can’t see the other person and must rely on verbal cues such as tone and volume.

This is where emotional intelligence is useful. According to Harvard Medical School (health.harvard.edu), “emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and regulate our own emotions, to recognize the emotions of other people and feel empathy toward them, and to use these abilities to communicate effectively and build healthy, productive relationships with others.”

In 2023, I resolve to build my emotional intelligence, and in order to do so I must get my mind in better shape.

That means recognizing that I can work with anyone, and I can communicate with anyone, regardless of how difficult that relationship may be. However, sometimes I shouldn’t, and I need to work on recognizing those times that it’s better to take a step back or decline.

In 2023 I will choose to reduce my workload so that I can spend more of my time and energy focused on the projects and relationships that feed my soul.

At the top of my focus list professionally is writing. Telling the community’s stories gives me so much joy, and I haven’t done enough of that in the past year. It’s time I get back to it.

Overall, I will strive to be better than the person I was yesterday, every day.

If you want to boost your own emotional intelligence, keep these seven tips from “Positive Psychology” (https://positivepsychology.com) in mind:

1. Reflect on your own emotions;

2. Ask others for perspective;

3. Be observant (of your own emotions);

4. Use “the pause” (e.g., taking a moment to think before speaking);

5. Explore the “why” (bridge the gap by taking someone else’s perspective);

6. When criticized, don’t take offense. Instead, ask: What can I learn?

7. Practice, practice, practice (Bariso, 2016).

There are also a variety of courses and exercises available to build your emotional intelligence and empathy. I’m considering one offered by University of California - Berkeley, which is offered for free on edX. Here’s the link: https://www.classcentral.com/course/edx-empathy-and-emotional-intelligence-at-work-10292

To all of you who also have made resolutions, I wish you success.