Guest: Ever experience sibling rivalry?

My brother and I just experienced what I believe was our longest one-on-one, face-to-face chat ever.

(Yes, even longer than the long-ago heart-to-heart conversation highlighted by “Throw another dart at me…and another…nyah nyah, missed me…”)

We had our differences growing up (maybe I shouldn’t have been so dismissive of his taste in music and TV shows, and maybe I was overly sensitive when he named a cow after my first girlfriend); but it was comforting to be able to talk in a civil manner about our mother’s healthcare, his retirement, his grandkids, the election and other topics.

If you squabbled with brothers and sisters when you were all living under one roof, I hope you have outgrown the drama; but every family is different. Childhood family dynamics can leave an indelible mark on you for good or bad.

Dysfunction sometimes rises to Biblical proportions. (“Don’t give me that ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’ excuse. Of course you are! Now lock Mikey in his cage again and fetch me that twelve-pack.”)

Of course the opposite extreme of the sibling spectrum is the sickeningly close families who function as a living, breathing Dreaded Christmas Letter. These huggy folks come running every time a niece or nephew’s latest “participation ribbon” masterpiece is immortalized on the refrigerator door. They gush things like, “Sis, I heard about your paper cut. Maybe I’d better pack my spleen in ice for you, just in case.”

Competitiveness and personality clashes are exacerbated by real or perceived patterns of parental favoritism.

“Mom always liked you best!” is a sentiment that did not originate with a running gag on “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour,” but Tom and Dick certainly fanned the flames of conflict across our great nation. (“I don’t wanna watch the Smothers Brothers! Gimme the pliers and I’ll change to ‘Bonanza,’ booger-breath!”)

It’s tempting to take siblings for granted, but they are an invaluable resource for staying grounded. Yes, spouses, co-workers and best friends know a lot about you; but there are some memories and secrets known only to you and your siblings. Well, them and the siblings of whichever CIA, NSA and DMV operatives have been listening in on you. (Did I say that out loud?)

It’s embarrassing when brothers and sisters cause a scene at a funeral or bankrupt themselves competing at the estate auction. It was one thing in the 1860s when brother fought against brother over (take your pick) slavery or states’ rights. It’s something else when sister fights against sister for the chipped casserole dish. (“Just let me clean out all the soccer equipment in the SUV — there’s a cannon buried in here somewhere!”)

It’s a blessing when siblings can cooperate in caring for their aging parents, but sometimes career opportunities get in the way of equitable sharing of responsibilities. (“You know I’d love to stay close enough to trim Dad’s toenails every third week, but I have a really good feeling about this soft-serve ice cream franchise in Antarctica. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”)

Be proud of adult accomplishments, but demonstrate a little maturity. (“I’m turning down the promotion unless it comes with the biggest slice of cake. And a pony!”)

Whatever scars you and your siblings bear, I trust you can harmonize going forward.

At least harmonize better than those crappy “musicians” my brother used to…

Uh oh…incoming lawn darts! Anybody got a compatible spleen?